a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
