I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
