If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
do herpes really smell.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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