Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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