So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
