I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
wow bdsm is so cute
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
