Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
