she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
