yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
