i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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