All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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