one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
