I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
