i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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