literally had 100 drinks last night.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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