i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
