Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
