I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
