The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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