I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
