No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
