Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
