if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
