I am spending my child support on dildos
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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