I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
