What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
