then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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