He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
A+ Viking dick
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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