hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
