You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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