And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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