Soap is not a condiment
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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