Can Purell be used as lube?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so let's talk penis.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
