worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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