drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
