I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
