i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
