I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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