and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He passed out mid-signature
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My bed smells like the plague
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
