I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
