Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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