The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
