did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
