If that was your dad, he is hot
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
