Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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