You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
