Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
