I just cut my nipple shaving
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
