I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm sobbing to NWA
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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