how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
