Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
