thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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